Tag Archives: Israel

The Weeks I Spent Eating & Watching Mad Men

Take me to the MOON! (Taken by me)

Blame it on my birth sign, but apart from my deceptive public exuberance, I am in fact the most reclusive person I know.  Blame it on my genetics, but apart from my deceptive figure, I am, in fact, a certified fat-ass. Safe from the trips to school and occasional coffee meetings with girlfriends, I spent the entire first half of May on my couch in front of the television with a family-sized box of cereal.  In addition to sulking over my having been born in the wrong era, secretly wishing that Don Draper would come to my rescue, knowing full well that I would love him unconditionally, regardless of his huge sexual appetite for every living, breathing, bosom-bearing human being with a functioning vagina, I have successfully managed to discover the most AHA! food combinations.  And so, I shall list:

  • Corn flakes and cottage cheese
  • Corn flakes and cream cheese
  • Corn flakes and anything, really
  • Bread, olive oil, avocado, and Dijon mustard
  • Olive oil, avocado, Dijon mustard (corn flakes not unwelcomed)
  • Avocado, Dijon mustard
  • Avocado
  • Dijon mustard; the really spicy kind.  Shit opens your nasal passageways like all hell.

I promise I am not depressed.

See? Jolly as a button!

Au contraire.  I found these days to be some of my most productive all year.

I made an extremely painful and difficult executive decision a few days ago to take the next, logical step, in pursuit of my career. It is time to take everything I’ve learned: my newfound humility that I have encountered after being thrust into a community of extremely talented musicians; my relatively recent acquisition of an Israeli Passport that I hold so close to my heart; and move back to NYC.

Tel Aviv Sunset.  Sigh (by me)

New York. Oh, the dilemma. (by me)

We must embrace change, as difficult as that may feel at any given time.  Furthermore, we must accept that even the most seemingly futile moments of our lives, especially times during which remnants of a more difficult past seem to creep up on us, i.e. binge eating, immobility, consecutive masturbation, I jest can, in fact hold the seeds to a brighter future.  I don’t want to leave Israel, but I am trying not to ignore my slightly larger gut from leading me to where I ought to be.  It is time to do things the right way.  Recording, performance, introspection, bring it on.

“A goal without a plan is just…a wish.” Thanks for that, Antoin e de Saint-Exupery.  And thank you @badgalriri for having an Instagram clad in pictures of strippers, and intelligent, inspiring quotes.  Who knew.

Mixed feelings about her, but dayummm she’s looking on point in Supreme. Riri (via Tumblr)

Azaelia. More inspiration! getitgurl

Be back in a minute

-MLC

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On Regret & Forgiveness

“You can search the whole world over and never find anyone as deserving of your love as yourself.” – Buddha

Teach Yo’self How 2 Spell  (Photos in this post are not by moi)

Forgiveness.  To be honest, it was never relevant to my life, so I had never really given it much thought. No one seemed worthy of so much effort because in my twisted perception of reality, when someone fucked you over, you cut them out of your life because they could do it again. But as I grew colder and more bitter, and made these types of severances on a far-too-frequent basis, I seemed to overlook one very important factor: that we are all human, and thus, bound to err.  And that my handful of true friends was growing ever smaller.

If I were on the receiving end of a similar metaphorical beating every single time I screwed someone over, I would be living in a lonely and bitter world.  Instead, though, I’ve managed to create a cold one that is, most of the time, deprived of much genuine feeling and crammed with superficial camaraderie.

Still deciding which is worse.

But in our case, which was worse?  That you lied, and played a dumb fool, or that I stood idly by, clad in mocked ignorance, and did nothing about it?  Both.  And neither.

I feel I am to blame for supervising the destruction of something with so much potential, and have not yet forgiven myself.  After all, it is not every day that you come across a complete stranger with whom you share an intense connection, right off the bat.  But this isn’t about you.  It is so much more about me, than anyone can possibly comprehend.  I know that if I don’t forgive myself, I will never grow. I have lost so many people that I have loved, cared for, and invested in because I couldn’t give them another chance.  I realize now that even I can betray myself.  Even I can fuck up.

And even I could give myself another chance.

I learned that it’s ok to be me.  To hide how I am feeling is to rob myself of the most beautiful and thrilling part of any successful relationship; one that builds lasting trust, love, and friendship.  To deprive oneself of that function is to deprive oneself of a complete and meaningful experience.

I regret being unable to accept that someone could genuinely care for me.  I regret not allowing myself to, essentially, be me.  I regret that we couldn’t make it past our first test.

Yeah gurll, getit.

But I am also grateful that we weren’t in too deep.  And for the lesson that is Forgiveness.  So as I strive to fully forgive myself, I hope for the positive effects to cancel out the negativity that comes with said regrets.

What I’m sure of is that the lesson learned is way better than the situation is bad.  I could have really loved you, but you have taught me that first and foremost, I have to allow myself to be loved.

This too, is a part of the process.  I’m out.

-MLC

PS you can peep my NEW COVER here if you haven’t heard it yet 🙂

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A Warm Ol’ Welcome To The MusicaLeeChallenged!

Sitting in one Cafe Noir in the bustling, internationally versatile, middle-of-a-f***load-a’-political-troubled city of Tel Aviv, I forage my ADHD-infused brain for an opener for this here journey. This city that I hold so dear to my heart,and I, are relatively young and surrounded by voices that are trying to shatter us to pieces.  Before you question my sanity, let me clarify: I do NOT hear voices.  Although I can’t seem to validate that I am a hundo percent sane.  It is a metaphor, people. META-for.  We both share a struggle that is difficult to face, yet impossible to ignore: the urge to be the best that we can, amidst the turmoil that is undeniably present around us, and sometime, even worse, within us.

TLV sky being its ill, TLV sky self.

My goals and aspirations of becoming a successful performer burn brightly in the forefront of my mind, yet the means of achieving them seem to be ever-changing.  I have no connections into the music world; I am trying to find the musical mold into which I fit; I still can’t seem to get on a stage in front of my own peers without the pressing urge to piss myself.  You know.  Standard stuff.  Similarly, the tiny city of Tel Aviv is filled with aspiring artists, musicians, and gifted people who already have enough to worry about, yet still need to be aware that they can go from having a peaceful morning stroll one Saturday, (or a walk-of-shame in six-inch heels…however you roll is A-OK by me), to being told by a police officer to cross the street because of an “unattended piece of luggage,” which is actually Israeli for:

“SHIT, SON! WHERE THE NEAREST BOMB SHELTER AT?!”

But on a more positive, and uplifting note (did you catch that little musical innuendo, there?), the most important thing we both share is that there is always an excuse to celebrate.  They don’t call me it one of the World’s Top Party Cities for nothing! So let’s make the best with what we’ve got!

Step Numero Uno: Hone in on your passions and goals, even if they seem impossible to achieve.  CHECK.

Step Numero Dos: Find the strength and courage to follow them. SEMI CHECK.

And last but not least,

Step Numero Three (language switch.  ADHD can have that effect on me, sometimes): Stay positive and party, even if the party is being held in a metaphorical bomb-shelter in your mind.  Or in my your pants.  Or in the pants of some big-time producer who promises you fame and success. Just kidding, I have morals you know.

Click the link adjacent to the word adjacent!

ADJACENT                 First Cover- Hiding My Heart By: Lee Eller

  And most importantly, stay tuned.  The journey is only just beginning!

-MLC

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