Transitions

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Returning to my blog after about two months of having gone MIA on its’ ass is testament to how much I have matured. Jokes. There has been no maturing, except with regards to my sexual appetite. TMI? Regardless, I have returned to something I have neglected.

Transitions are the few months that creep up on us with outlines of trees, and seashells, and abstract shapes that you may never be quite able to identify, which allow, nay, force you to fill in that shit like a coloring-book. Except, when life throws you coloring-book sketches, it often forgets to throw you a box of crayons. Maybe Life is just that considerate so as not to hit you in the head, or maybe Life doesn’t care unless you give It a reason to. Nevertheless, bitch needs her coloring utensils!

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You rummage about your past and your desired future, hoping to discover anything that can help you fill in those sketches. If you’re lucky, you might find a Sharpie, or an almost-used-up highlighter.

I’m confused, I’m uncertain, I have cut loose all ties that have hindered my growth, however hard and courageous that may seem. I have written an article entitled 10 Things One Should Know About Dating A Compulsive Liar. I have finally begun to perform. I started babysiting two brothers, ages four-and-a-half, and nine, whose naivete have taught me more about life and the importance of humility than I could have possibly acquired from any other source. I have filled my days with tasks and errands and obligations, in part to better myself and maintain control of my life; and in part to teach myself how to survive in a world in which we are brought into, and depart, alone.

Oh hey! That’s me!

Me and my piano best friend flashing our pearly whites!

I am testing the waters; testing my surroundings. Seeing how far I can push before everything collapses. Trying to discover my limits as to what I can rebuild, and whether or not the foundations will be stronger this time around. I allow myself to test the people who claim to still love me, and I question whether love really has anything to do with a specific two people, or whether it is all based on timing. By utilizing every tool under the sun to pushing away the people who claim to love me through acting childish; using malicious words that hurt them below the belt; taking advantage of the attention they give me to see if they will stop giving me said attention; I try to discover if certain feelings can, in fact, surpass even the most awful attempts against them.

Love and Naivete

If you can kick and scream and threaten, and act like you are trying to hurt someone, and have them acknowledge that you are inadvertently asking them to look at your attempts with a certain adoration, and understand that all you want is proof that they know you well enough to understand what you are doing; then perhaps the world doesn’t work as predictably as is presumed.

This transition is about having Life humor me by introducing facts and information and successes and feelings that I haven’t yet felt. Just when you think you have felt and seen everything there is to feel and see, a bird shits on your arm and you are forced to turn the around, wash it off whilst cussing under your breath, perhaps leading you to bump into another destination clad with feelings that you didn’t know existed.

Transitions are a scary thing. Being proactive is the surest way to maintaining a sense of self during such difficult times. An optimistic outlook is surely the mechanism with which to guide us to our next phases in life. I am proactively waiting in anticipation and excitement. Something amazing is just around the corner.

My head hurts, I’m out.

And of course, in case you didn’t get the memo, you can catch my melodic ass here :

Downtime Is Productive-time. Get Inspired.

Bradley Soileau. It’s pronounced “swallow.” Gladly. Just kidding, relax.  Even I have my limits.

Alright, limits shmimits

Phenomenal voice, phenomenal presence.

So real and unafraid. It’s liberating to see someone feel so liberated. Nasty and adorable at the same time. Azaelia Banks.

A beautiful model with a beautiful mind. Plus, she is wearing denim overalls. If A-L-E-X-A-C-H-U-N-G doesn’t spell I-N-S-P-I-R-A-T-I-O-N, then I don’t know what does. Actually, “inspiration” spells “inspiration,” but that is not the point.

The first time I watched the “Yonkers” music video, I was intrigued.  I found it to be absolutely disgusting; but “disgusting” is no longer a derogatory adjective, after having seen it.  Its syllables smoothly and systematically move into each other, like th vertebral column in a human back.  Tyler the Creator is so vile, so Disgusting, that he becomes sexy.  Extremely sexy.  And extremely inspiring

Want those Vans x Supreme Campbell’s shoes. Someone wanna hook it up?

The Supreme campaign is mind-boggling to me.  Throughout its eighteen year history, it has become a landmark on NY’s Lower East Side.  They have fun, stay real and authentic, and make bank.  Inspiration at its best.

Hey THAT’S ME!

I hope seeing some of these pictures makes you feel as uncomfortable as I felt putting them up.  However provocative they may seem, at least they evoke feeling.  Whether it is disgust, discomfort, attraction; we live during a time when people are always trying to push limits.  Sometimes, perhaps resulting from whole-hearted emotional investment in past relationships, I find that I have trouble experiencing emotions the way I used to.  For whatever reason, anything that can spark emotional interest sparks my interest.

She’s 10 years old.  Don’t know if I like what society has become, but this really affected me.

 

The Weeks I Spent Eating & Watching Mad Men

Take me to the MOON! (Taken by me)

Blame it on my birth sign, but apart from my deceptive public exuberance, I am in fact the most reclusive person I know.  Blame it on my genetics, but apart from my deceptive figure, I am, in fact, a certified fat-ass. Safe from the trips to school and occasional coffee meetings with girlfriends, I spent the entire first half of May on my couch in front of the television with a family-sized box of cereal.  In addition to sulking over my having been born in the wrong era, secretly wishing that Don Draper would come to my rescue, knowing full well that I would love him unconditionally, regardless of his huge sexual appetite for every living, breathing, bosom-bearing human being with a functioning vagina, I have successfully managed to discover the most AHA! food combinations.  And so, I shall list:

• Corn flakes and cottage cheese
• Corn flakes and cream cheese
• Corn flakes and anything, really
• Bread, olive oil, avocado, and Dijon mustard
• Olive oil, avocado, Dijon mustard (corn flakes not unwelcomed)
• Avocado, Dijon mustard
• Avocado
• Dijon mustard; the really spicy kind.  Shit opens your nasal passageways like all hell.

I promise I am not depressed.

See? Jolly as a button!

Au contraire.  I found these days to be some of my most productive all year.

I made an extremely painful and difficult executive decision a few days ago to take the next, logical step, in pursuit of my career. It is time to take everything I’ve learned: my newfound humility that I have encountered after being thrust into a community of extremely talented musicians; my relatively recent acquisition of an Israeli Passport that I hold so close to my heart; and move back to NYC.

Tel Aviv Sunset.  Sigh (by me)

New York. Oh, the dilemma. (by me)

We must embrace change, as difficult as that may feel at any given time.  Furthermore, we must accept that even the most seemingly futile moments of our lives, especially times during which remnants of a more difficult past seem to creep up on us, i.e. binge eating, immobility, consecutive masturbation, I jest can, in fact hold the seeds to a brighter future.  I don’t want to leave Israel, but I am trying not to ignore my slightly larger gut from leading me to where I ought to be.  It is time to do things the right way.  Recording, performance, introspection, bring it on.

“A goal without a plan is just…a wish.” Thanks for that, Antoin e de Saint-Exupery.  And thank you @badgalriri for having an Instagram clad in pictures of strippers, and intelligent, inspiring quotes.  Who knew.

Mixed feelings about her, but dayummm she’s looking on point in Supreme. Riri (via Tumblr)

Azaelia. More inspiration! getitgurl

Be back in a minute

-MLC